As I rocked Lil to sleep tonight, singing "Hush Little Baby" like I always do, making up the lyrics as I go because I don't know the real ones, I was overcome with emotion. In her tiny left hand she grabbed the blanket, pulling it up to caress her face the way she likes to, her right hand was firmly gripped around my little finger. As her eyes fluttered and eventually shut for good, I thought about how I never ever want to forget this feeling or these moments. I teared up, realizing that I had envisioned this very scene in my mind many times over the years, and here I was living it. Unbelievable. I think all of the yearning and the wanting has made these moments even sweeter.
I felt this same way a few nights ago when I went out in the moonlight to retrieve the diapers I'd set out to dry on the deck. I caught a glimpse of movement in the lit window, it was Lily's chubby little legs kicking in the air. Her daddy was cooing and smiling at her while changing her diaper, and her little legs kicked in appreciation. He cocked his head and smiled again, a huge, silly smile, this time bending down to kiss her bare little belly. Then he reached up and grabbed the pull cord for her beautiful butterfly mobile to send it into flight. Her legs kicked even wilder than before. I had to pinch myself. Is this my life? It is. And I am so grateful.